17 April 2018

Third Trimester

We are now in the final stretch! It is funny because when you do IVF it makes the pregnancy processes seem so much longer... I feel like I've been pregnant for years :) My body seems to think so two as I've ballooned up quite a bit, despite having a solid three months more to go. 

Junior has been doing pretty well, other than a scare on Sunday after I noticed that movement had slowed down for a good day and a half. Luckily, a quick trip into the doctors calmed our fears and baby has ramped back up to being super active.

Baby isn't the only thing that is growing though! For the last several weeks I've had plants growing on virtually every open surface of our flat. I started to drive Jon insane, especially since they were taking over his table as well. This week I finally got everything out to my allotment. 

Unfortunately, I'm learning having a big belly isn't particularly helpful when gardening-- at not for the reasons you'd expect. While it certainly makes things trickier in terms of mobility, the real problem is how the belly seems to give others the right to tell you what to do. One of my allotment neighbours in particularly--Anne--is proving the most formidable garden pest. 

Every. Single. Day. she is there, gardening away and serving up unhelpful lectures. She is an older lady, and always wears a blue mechanics jumpsuit. She usually comes over after I've been working for about 10 minutes to give her daily dose of wisdom. Usually it starts with a comment on my large belly, then advice on what I'm doing wrong.
"It rained last night, you really shouldn't be watering those."
"When are you going to get a wheelbarrow? There are so many things you really should be buying."
"I don't think you should be using that bucket when you get water. You shouldn't be carrying anything."
"Where is your husband. Why is he letting you do all this gardening all on your own?" 

IT IS DRIVING ME INSANE. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to work out when she is there and when she isn't. I may have to start early morning or evening gardening just to avoid her. 

In other news, I'm now in the Relief Society presidency. Here are the other lovely ladies in the trio... Ashley and Claire. It has already been really wonderful working with them and they've been helping me grow. 

Jon and I also celebrated our 6th anniversary this past month. It is crazy to think it has already been almost a full year since we moved to Bath. Time is flying by! Excited to see what this next year brings.

27 February 2018

In the first months of the year

Life has been busy busy busy in the first couple months of the year. The two major events are my graduation and our trip back to the states for my bro-in-law's wedding.

My graduation was at the end of January and was a fun excuse to have a weekend back in London. Jon was a champ and took loads of photos of me around campus-- both at Somerset house and the Maughn Library.

A few weeks later we headed back to the states for my brother-in-law's wedding. My mom and brother came to Utah as well, which made it extra fun to see everyone (including my sister and brother-in-law that live in Provo, Utah). We spent an afternoon in the family history center interactive floor on temple square. We discovered the green screen which resulted in this hilarious and bizarre image. 

Then we had Andrew and Sabrina's wedding! 

I'm always impressed by the fact that so many of Jon's cousins show up to weddings and family events. It is a real testament to how close everyone is.

All the sisters/sisters-in-law apart from Rachel, who is about to give birth to a little baby boy, and Sabrina (who was busy being the blushing bride).

The weirdest brothers photo I've ever seen.

One extra special surprise was that my sister-in-law Lisa planned a surprised baby shower for me. I am never surprised by things like this, so it was pretty shocking everyone managed to keep it under wraps. Lisa did the loveliest job and I couldn't have asked for a more perfect shower.

03 January 2018

New Year 2018

Happy New Year!

Suddenly 2017 is gone in a blur--like 24 flu you're happy to see the end of but can't totally remember. I have high hopes for 2018 as eight is my lucky number and things are looking rosy.

But 2017 hasn't been all bad. There have been some pretty big milestones worth remembering.

For one thing, Jon and I moved to Bath. We spent our fifth anniversary scouting out housing in this beautiful little town.

In the summer I got to spend time with both Jon's and my sides of the family.

For my birthday in September, Jon surprised me by taking me to the Bee and Pollination Festival, which probably sounds outrageously lame to most people but I was over the moon. I want to have honeybees in the worst possible way so I was in heaven.

Also, since I finished my dissertation, I've been able to post several more episodes of Seer, my youtube channel about Mormon art. Here are episodes 1, 2, and 3!

I've really enjoyed making them, though they are about 100x more time consuming than I had originally anticipated. I think part of my struggle is the fact that I've been writing and editing the videos while going through IVF.

IVF was a waking nightmare. It was literally the physically difficult thing I've ever done in my life, partially because my ovaries hyper-stimulated part way through (which is actually quite dangerous and some people have even died from it).

Me mid IVF. I felt like I was dying. The medication pictured is only about 1 weeks worth (up to 3 injections per day + pills and suppositories). I took medication all the way from early September until mid December.
But it turns out it was all worth it because it actually worked! I chronicled the miracle in the fourth instalment of Seer (along with some apropos images of the annunciation):

To celebrate we had a two pronged celebration. First, we spent the weekend in London for Jon's birthday where we enjoyed my favourite yearly ritual of Winter Wonderland (this time with some friends from Bath) and we were even blessed with the rare snowstorm right as we were by St. Paul's cathedral.

Part two has been in the works for a couple of years. Once we learned that modern day druids are basically these crazy hippies that dress up like unicorns and renaissance faire robes and chant around Stonehenge twice a year, I decided we simply had to take my pregnant belly to watch the sunrise on Winter solstice and bask in their nature-loving glory. Let me tell you, they didn't disappoint. 

Just a few days later was Christmas, and let me tell you Bath really does it right. The whole town turns into this magic place, covered in fairy lights and little Bavarian market stalls. We went to midnight mass on Christmas Eve then went home, pulled the mattress off the bed and slept under the Christmas tree. It was a perfect Christmas. 

So that was 2017, at least all the major happy bits. Excited to see what this year brings. 

09 October 2017

After the Degree

Well hello out there!

It has been sometime since I've been here chatting with you. The masters degree took over my life, along with an abrupt move out of London to the beautiful English town of Bath. But now that the degree is more or less done, I can finally to something with it!

So, here's the project I've been working on... It's a new YouTube channel called Seer and it will be all about Mormon art. What is Mormon art? Who makes it? Why? Is it any good? There is this big wide world of glorious things to explore. Take a look :)

23 March 2017

The Seen and the Unseen

Yesterday, I left the flat to pick up the little girl I nanny and take her to cello lessons. Jon was at home-- he'd gotten caught up watching a film instead of taking a run like he'd planned.

When I reached the station, my phone rang. “Jess! Don't get on the train. There was guy that was just shot and another stabbed and some people were just run down right next to parliament. You can't go down to Westminster today.”

Numb, I made a few calls and rushed home to watch the coverage. It was especially jarring because, had Jon gone on that run like he'd intended, he would have passed right over Westminster bridge at approximately the time of the attack.

As I sat down in front of the screen, I realised that watching the news now is a completely different experience after having gone through this theology degree. Because I've been studying belief through the lens of visual images, watching the media brings with it a minefield of associations and recognitions. I realised that, even when it is unarticulated, the news seeks to do something that has been the fundamental quest of all religion; it attempts uncover Truth and to take man as close to the unknowable as possible.

The first thing I saw when I sat down to watch was an aerial view of parliament and the surrounding buildings. A helicopter flew around the scene where police cars and police officers in high-vis green jackets dotted the bridge. The reporters chattered on and I became increasingly struck by the unknown. They were attempting to show what couldn't be seen, to describe what can't be spoken (because honestly no one knew what was going on). 

Film has done this since its inception, particularly when dealing with the great mysteries of the world. Cecil B DeMille's The Ten Commandments depicts God with a trembling Moses on Mt Sinai as an animated swirling fire. By conventional theology, God is unknowable, and yet DeMille sought to make him manifest. He resolved the paradox by depicting God as an ephemeral, authoritative flame, which despite being a bit cheesy, succeeds in simultaneously displaying and veiling the truth of God. 
God is shown as a pillar of fire in The Ten Commandments with Charlton Heston

Similar things are done in Henry Koster's The Robe and Volker Schlöndorff's The Tin Drum where the filming in both works focuses on the reactions of the crowd instead of the significant historical persons. The faces of Jesus and Hitler are not shown, rather only part of their bodies-- carrying a cross (below) and, in the case of The Tin Drum, the outstretched arm (of Hitler). 

This veiled approach was certainly less intentional in yesterday's coverage of the attack, but was still present. Repeatedly, the reporters would ask “Where is the prime minister?” after which a montage of 10 Downing street would be shown and assurances would be given (either from themselves or the person they were interviewing) that she was safe and likely at her home “one of the safest places in Britain.”

Invoking the unseen nature of Theresa May, followed by a visualisation of her safe local (in which she is hidden) lent a sense of security to the whole broadcast. Our leader was safe. We would be safe.

This contrasted somewhat to imagery we soon saw of perpetrator. We were soon shown explicit images of the man lying on his back receiving medical attention. This image is powerful on many levels.

First is the framing of the image. It is cropped in tight. In religious films, this shot is important in establishing the “sacred.” This idea is probably best expressed by the root of the German wúh (meaning “sacred”) whose roots means to 'be separate or apart.' When something is important it is set apart and focus in on it closely. Interestingly, the news reports the criminal using this shot.

Significantly, the man is framed by paramedics. In contrast to his callous disdain for human life, they cherish it and are trying to preserve his life. 

Interestingly, this moment is marked strongly by what the reporters are NOT saying. Even without the man's name or background, the image of dark-complexioned man with beard (a trademark style of jihadi imagery in the West) with the words “Terror Attack” emblazoned on the consciousness of the viewer screams a message that is pretty difficult to ignore. To the reporters credit though (at least with the coverage I saw), there was no immediate prejudicial assumptions articulated. The possible connection to Islamic radicalism was left powerfully unsaid.

The question of whether something should be said or shown or left alone is critical to religious art, particularly in film. One of the most famous documentary films of all time, Alain Resnais's Nuit et Brouillard showed the explicit aftermath of the Holocaust. In one scene, the camera pans over the ceiling of the Auschwitz gas chamber as a voice over describes unseen nail marks in the plaster. Later, the most graphic scene of the film shows naked, emaciated bodies being unceremoniously bulldozed into graves. It is the most upsetting piece of film I've ever seen in my life.

Jewish filmmaker Claude Lanzmann was also famously affected by the imagery. He once said, “I have always said that archival images are images without imagination. They petrify thought and kill any power of evocation." He believed representation diminished reality, perhaps much the same way seeing the antagonist in a horror film usually ruins the fear and thrill. Showing makes the reality banal.

By contrast, French film director Jean-Luc Godard believed images would be redemptive. In yesterdays attack, there was one such redemptive moment. In the midst of revelations about victims of the attack including numerous foreign children in London on holiday, a hero rose up. Tobias Ellwood, a military trained MP, ran out of the building when he heard something was amiss. On the ground was an unconscious police officer. Ellwood gave him mouth to mouth and medical attention until the paramedics arrived. Again, the news gives us another close up. This time it is triumphant.

The argument for the redemptive quality of images is that it will keep us from making the same mistakes again. While there is always a fear of desensitisation to the horrors of a fallen world, images have a compensatory quality. The violence that was perpetrated wasn't for nothing because it was documented. Images hold the offending party accountable so that they can't be lost to memory and time.

It is odd to be so close to moments like the one that happened yesterday. There is still a great deal to be uncovered and it will likely never be fully understood. But I'm grateful to be safe and to be well and to live in this wonderful city.